i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I love having hate sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
