Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He did a backflip because drugs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
