I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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