Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
