Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
