My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
