go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
