the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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