On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
