My brain says no but my pants say off.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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