If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
