i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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