I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
