just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
