Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
