she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize