when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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