And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need a beard to bite.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
