Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
