I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
