The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
