you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We need a shit load of segways right now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
