She is in my trunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
