Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
