Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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