Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
