u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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