I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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