She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
