if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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