I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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