Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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