i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
