You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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