he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
