Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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