We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
