just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
