I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
did i just pee glitter
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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