Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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