my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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