my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
