His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
