apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
