Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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