I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
