I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
