hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
