So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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