I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
