I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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