i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wear drunk well.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
