My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
