Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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