Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
