i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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