Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
